Feeling Blue and Pitch Perfect 2

I've been feeling really ill and down lately. A colleague at work spread his illness around and of course I soon got it, because I am susceptible to everything. I am genuinely scared of an impending virus outbreak or zombie apocalypse because I would be the one to fall ill/die straight away. And I'm scared of everything so surviving that would be detrimental to my mental health aha!

I've been feeling stuck in a rut lately. With blogging and in daily life. I think it's only because I've been ill that I've felt this way but I've just felt like I'm meant to be having some massive adventure and all I do is go to work. I have an active social life and a great relationship but I just want to get out there, go to a beach, go on holiday, go shopping in New York do something that I can look forward to and have a break from the stresses of life. I actually have been really wanting to go camping lately, grab a bunch of mates - or the very least people I don't believe are complete bell ends, and go camping for a weekend. Considering I'm a habitual creature that is intensely anxious and uncomfortable by change, I really want something new to happen.


Thursday I went to the cinema with Danielle to cheer her up. She's been through a lot lately and needed some best friend time. 

Pitch Perfect 2 was a-ca-mazing. (Spoiler Alerts to follow). It's more emotional than the first one because everyone's growing up and graduating *sobs uncontrollably* and the Germans in the film are so intimidating and scary. I also sang and danced a little to Dannii who wasn't impressed aha!

She may have not been impressed with my theatrics but we even have our own characters. I am Fat Amy and she is Becca. If you ever want to get to know me and Dannii in real life then you just have to watch this film franchise. One key scene that pointed this out was when Fat Amy rolled in drunk and Becca was stressing about her 'secret' internship. Amy was all "Have some of my confidence" and started caressing herself and Becca, whilst Becca was much more reserved and pretending nothing was wrong although she was under severe stress and pressure - just like Dannii! 

My new saying is "Have some butt confidence." Jamie and I have a secret joke fest about butts. I'm hoping by reading this he understands my future reference (just like my Mean Girls ones) or I may have to have a girly film day with him.

 It's films like this that make me wish I'd have stuck to something as a kid. I tried every club going including Girls Scouts, Girls Brigade, karate, St John's Ambulance and a bunch of others I think I still weirdly have the uniform for (my Mum's a hoarder) that I quit after about 2 weeks. I was such an anxious child. I just couldn't be tamed and entertained for long enough.


Friday and the entire weekend went completely not how I imagined it was going to. After work I was tired and a little blergh (trust me, that is an actual emotion) and I was on the way to my bike when I got spammed (I say spammed because I rarely receive two texts at the same time and it was a pretty good moment) off my boyfriend and one of my best friend's. Jamie was altering his plans and going out with the boys and Kim wanted me to go to her pub (if you think it's impressive that her family own a pub then you should see her house!) and so after 25 minutes of rotating phone calls we all had plans in set in motion. 

 I was originally going out for a drink and meal and ended up crawling into my house a wad of cash lighter, drunk and actually a bit lonely (I only really get drunk out with my group and Jamie is part of that so we get drunk together and then go to his and spoon). I'll spare Jamie and Kim their embarrassing photos but they were a lot worse off than me the next day :') I had to bring reinforcements to Jamie's to make him human again. 

A thing that aggravates me every single day is people that think that because you are engaging in a meaningless conversation then they are being hit on by you. This happens to me sometimes and I actually coined the phrase "Have you SEEN my boyfriend?" before proceeding to show them couples photos and justifying how happy I am. I don't know why I rise to the bait though. These people clearly need some sort of attention for their insecurity if  "Are you being served next?" means you want them. 

Due to illness I was feeling the "wrap up and be as warm as you can" gypsy vibes. You can see the full skirt here because I couldn't find a full length mirror anywhere. Not to self: purchase a full length mirror.

The food was amazing. Kim and I split a Parmo and a burger with some chips and salad. I also had some cheese garlic dough balls for starter. Nicest tasting restaurant food I've had in a long time.

I have slightly fell off my healthy eating regime lately. I still stay away from chocolate, crisps and sweets but I find meals harder and harder to want when they aren't full of junk. And with being ill lately I've been eating ice pops and ice cream like they're going out of fashion.

Now I'm feeling better I'm getting back onto my food plan for the week. Finding salad appealing is hard generally but I'm surrounded by temptation all the freaking time. I need some sort of motivation. Cycling is great and I adore it but I find it hard to cycle in my downtime as it is my method of getting to work at 6 in the morning. I did enjoy a little walk yesterday. Usually I hate walking, I feel awkward doing it, like I am on the way to somewhere using the slowest method of travel ever. Also walking with friends and family I just get really awkward when we run out of conversation, although I don't care about this at any other time. Such a weirdo. 

I also saw this which I thought was so cool. 

Next week I think we have some sort of paint-balling plans. I've never been so I'm excited and nervous. I'm quite submissive in sports like bowling so I think I'll just be an easy target to people. I hang round with boys who can be pricks but weirdly we wouldn't have them any other way.

I've also decided to get my craft on. I'm friends with a few artists that are happy as Larry all the time. I asked them what their secret to destressing was and of course (I should have seen it coming) was doing some form of art. I was really arts and crafty as a child but started neglecting it when I realised that everyone in the working world is replaceable and I have bills to pay but not the passion or confidence to pursue it as a career. I have decided to get back into it in my downtime though and have just purchased a Tie Dying Kit! 

I'm really wanting to move out soon for some privacy. Today I came home after a lovely weekend to my brother and his girlfriend in my bedroom. They refused to move because they were watching a DVD and when they did it was because it wasn't 'worth the agro.' Dude, you're 26 this year, stop hanging round in your little sister's room. It's creepy and actually disgusting. 

So I have a lot of plans for blogging and real life it's just getting to time and motivation (and privacy) to do it. 

How do you stay motivated? 

Zusterschap: My Guide to Battling Body Issues

The lovely ladies over at Zusterschap kindly featured me on their website today! Wooo. It made my day because I'm full of cold and I think I have onset laryngitis and an ear infection. And it's cleanse day. Blergh, I knew my body would hate me for what I got up to this weekend.

I approached them after they posted for contributors on their Twitter and I'm so happy that I actually got my own feature. It was supposed to be a small piece but I kind of lost my way and went into rant mode instead.

You can view the original post on their website here but I thought I'd throw a little advertisement re-post on here if any of my readers have never heard of Zusterschap! 

A little about Zusterschap which I totally just stole from their about page.

"Our goal is to give women who want to challenge the norm a voice. We host monthly themes and welcome submissions because we want to encourage women to share, support and collaborate. Our aim is to build a community and try to help women feel more positively about themselves. We want to encourage people into thinking it’s okay to be different and that it’s okay to want to challenge what society tells us. You don’t have to believe what is being sold to you because it’s all made up anyway."

What's not to love?!

Here's the piece that I submitted

I am a person that has struggled with anxiety and body issues since before I can remember. I always compared myself to other people’s appearances and achievements and as a result I’ve had to deal with a lot of negativity about myself.
Since starting my blog I have taken a step back and observed my own life instead of other people’s.
With the help of my boyfriend, best friends, my own page on the internet, and bloggers such as the Zusterschap girls (let’s face it, you say what everyone is thinking and have the balls to deal with the backlash), I have accepted who I am as a person.

The first thing I have to mention is my blog. Every time I wrote a blog post (like this one for example *TW details eating disorders*), it made me sit and reflect on what a huge journey I had already been on battling body issues. I now have my own step by step guide to battle body issues. It has progressed since the last blog post and it will continue to do so.

Waking up and feeling like Beyoncé

Okay, I have spots, my eyebrows need taming, my roots are beginning to show and half of my wardrobe is in the wash. I’m going to get out of bed find something to wear and rock the absolute fuck out of it. Positive energy sets me up for the day. I used to look at girls and be jealous of them but now I feel on par. No two girls, regardless of how similar they are, can wear an article of clothing the same way. I used to hate myself and hide beneath t-shirts and hoodies, but now I embrace what I am and feel god damned good about it.

Not feeling pressured

I succumb to pressure very easily. At work, it pushes me to be the best but in my personal life it overwhelms me. I used to be terrified of expressing my opinion because I can’t fight my ground to save my life or I can’t be bothered – I’m not sure which. I am still unhappy to be seen without make-up and I dislike the extra weight I am carrying. At one time, I was eating junk food, not exercising and sitting in a vast depression about myself. Now, I’m healthier, fitter and happier. I try not to succumb to labels or this divide in women’s fashion (although when describing myself, I do use the term plus size a lot). Labels are for food, we are not food. I don’t want to be overweight and depressed and I don’t want to be thin and depressed. I want to be healthy and happy in myself no matter what I weigh. The make-up thing is a small insecurity. I don’t wear make-up to work because I work early shifts in an office in which the same people see me every day. I prefer to wear it because I see it as a way to express the person I am. As RuPaul said We’re all born naked, the rest is drag.”

Do not retaliate

I used to be bullied for my weight and still have insecurities with my body image but there is nothing better than feeling good about yourself. A few months ago, I put on my make-up, a dress that showed all of my assets, some killers boots and a little glitter in my hair (because who doesn’t love glitter, right?) and a guy in a pub called me fat. Now, I hate that word because it’s never given as a compliment. Curvy, plus size and bootalicious are words that I would use to describe someone carrying some weight and besides, who the fuck decided the ‘norm’ for a girl to weigh anyway? I didn’t retaliate; I didn’t even look at him. I didn’t show my friends that I was hurt even though they must have thought I was. Instead, I went to a mirror, re-applied my lipstick and did a catwalk march to the bar. I looked over and he was sat looking miserable because he hadn’t got the ‘fat’ girl to retaliate; I felt like I had won this battle.

My top tip to remember is that if someone is judging you in any part of your life, then they’re most likely insecure about their own. Chances are they have to try and ruin your day because when they aren’t happy. Always be kind to people, even nasty-ass ones, because you don’t know what kind of shit they’re going through.

I am not 100% positive in my body image, but it doesn’t disgust me any more. Take what you have and flaunt the hell out of it. If you think positive thoughts, you become positive, leading to confidence and then boom! You feel indestructible.

It’s not about numbers on a scale, it’s about being happy, healthy and positive.

These bloggers have changed history (like honestly, they went viral) and we all continue to do so every single day. Writers, feminists, people who just have really strong opinions, every single person of all genders and backgrounds is encouraged and supported to follow their dreams and battle their demons. If you fancy it then get a twitter account and I'll see you on Monday at 9pm for #zchat!
I'd love you here your opinion on this topic! Do you have body issues? How do you battle them?

Fruity Fashion and Neon Nights Swatch Review

Being an adult is expensive.

When I was younger I thought that we all had magic life long jobs that paid exceptionally well and we were all just super rich people that went to meals and had parties all of the time.

Well I do have a good job and do go to meals and parties all the time but how stressful are finances and taxes? Like, what the fuck are taxes? I literally only figured it out because I work in finance. I obviously knew what taxes were but it is another dimension attempting to figure out exactly what goes where and how much you earn and contribute and having to sign up to things that won't effect you for like 50 years or you may not even use at all. Just ... what?

One of the better things I like to spend my money on is my lovely friends and boyfriend. I blogged about my best friend's birthday last week and this time it was Jamie's turn.

I wanted to take more photos but he hates me being on my phone all the time. Perks of being a vlogger, you don't need as many/any photos as someone with a blog.

I bought Jamie some games, one of which was for an Xbox he doesn't even own-awks, bath stuff, Dash cams, cook book and a t-shirt with our job title on to go with some Chinos (It's like a tradition to buy him chinos for every occasion). I really want him to wear the tee to work :') Although I'm a little disappointed in the seller of the Dash cam as I purchased a bag and SD Card, wires, etc to make it a complete present that Jamie could use immediately but the seller was near impossible to get in contact with and then 'forgot' that I'd paid a wad of extra cash for the rest of this purchase and so Jamie just has the Dash cam that he can't even use yet. Unbelievable, 

I took him out for dinner on Wednesday at our usual restaurant (our first date feels like so long ago now) and it turns out that I really suck at holding in secrets. The entire dinner I was busting a gut trying to hold in the surprise cake but I ruined it at the last hurdle. I also used the bath stuff to get ready for bank holiday. I actually suck at this.

Bank Holidays fly over far too quickly for my liking, but this weekend I got to test out my new Neon Nights electric eye colour palette, wear my new fruity fashion dress and celebrate my boyfriend's birthday in style.

It started on Saturday, usually I spend Friday nights with Jamie too and it sucked that I didn't because I just ended up bored and fidgety but too tired to actually be any form of productive. 

Saturday I was invited bowling and sorely lost. I guess I feel embarrassed when playing certain sports when all of the attention is on me which, if you know me, is completely weird. I haven't really got a competitive bone unlike my friends and boyfriend, I kind of just let people win and don't try although I really should because I feel awesome when I do win at things.

Hanging out with twins is always fun. In real life they have differences in hairstyles, clothing and one wears glasses. Jamie's Mum and Auntie look like I've copied and pasted the same person in this photo.

I adored my new make-up which I tried and tested for bowling.

Below is a swatch of all of the colours on my forearm. I'm cold so I have goosebumps.

The yellow and silver aren't my favourite as they are too 'loose.' They don't really 'pack onto' the eye as well as the others and aren't as pigmented so I didn't end up wearing it out due to it not being bold enough. I'd probably wear these under the eyelid or to add a bit of shading to a primary colour but wouldn't wear these independently.

The rest are amazing and so easily applicable to the eyes. I tested out all of them before the night out but only had an hour as so photographed three completed looks that I loved. My favourite colours to use were all of the blues, the pink and reds, the greens at the top of the photo (I just noticed that the light green one has been cut out of this photo) and the purple. The blue nearer the right of my forearm (top of the photo) isn't too great on it's own but when it is packed on, the colour is beautiful.

The dark blue independently. 

I did a split eye effect for bowling. The light blue and the royal blue. I received a few compliments which felt great for the ego.

After bowling we had a little buffet with Jamie's family and then watched Eurovision. It's such a cheesy show. I think I only watch it because I love the spirit of it and Graham Norton is so sassy. I dance like the guys did that represented Israel. It was annoying to Jamie because I was dancing and kept bugging him to click the red button and sing along with me. Of course he wouldn't and then I fell asleep aha!

Left 4 Dead 2 was one of the games that I bought for Jamie. We blasted it instead of Spyro this weekend and we make quite a good team. Jamie was super cute and gave me a first aid pack even though his health was low, who said romance is dead, right? But we ended up in a mini argument (maybe I do get competitive after all) because he said I was bad at the game when all he did was stand in my line of fire :') I love my relationship.

Ignore my half arsed tattoo. I want a watercolour finish to it but I need to find the right artist, save the money and have the time to go and get it done. It's harder because 18 year old University version of me rushed getting this one done and so a lot of artists will be judgemental that they're 'fixing' a screwup when actually they're just adding the next layer.

This was my Sunday outing outfit. Jamie's Mum and Auntie complimented me so much, I felt really special, like a fruity princess. I used the green that was cut off the swatch photo with the dark green to match the leaves on the dress for a nature inspired look, I wore a green/yellow flower in my hair too. I love the cherry pin up style and it was so worth the money I paid for it. It was just under £20 on Ebay.

I bought this dress to go with the watermelon shoes that I bought from Asda a couple of blog posts ago. 

I even bought a drink to match my outfit.

The night was really good. I won't overload with photographs like I usually do (and kinda already have) but this was a night where we all had a genuinely good night and there were no arguments and no drama. 

And apparently a lot of vodka.

I think he likes my dress. Haha!

Never ever shot Jeeper's Reaper's chilli vodka. Especially if it comes in a bottle that looks like it should be a really bad bubble bath. 

Majority of us tried and it flashed me back to two years ago when I ate a ghost chilli and dry heaved/wanted to die because my whole body set on fire and my heart was going to explode via horrific palpitations. Of course we couldn't then drink milk because we were consuming copious amounts of alcohol and so had to suffer until it was over. I think it plumped my lips because of the cinnamon though.

I've officially lost 1 stone and 2 pounds which was completely ignored due to the bank holiday. I was healthy until a cocktail hit my lips and then it was all downhill from there.

I ended my drunken stupor with a Parmo. Anyone from North England, or generally England but they are the best when made in the North, will know how greasily delicious these are. They are, of course, really unhealthy and contain like 2 days worth of calories...and I had chips. I ate this and woke up also wishing that I hadn't drank. Then Jamie and I ordered Dominoes.

I'm not even sorry.

I am dreading when my body goes into cleanse tomorrow though. I also regret that I left over half of this pizza at Jamie's house. I kinda want to finish it now.

So that's my boyfriend's bank holiday birthday, new fabulous dress and make-up review all rolled into one post. 

I recommend the eye-shadow and the seller of my dress unconditionally. The dress is amazing, fast distribution and great communication and the eye-shadow is the best thing to happen to me since Technic Brights Eye Shadow Palette

If you want the dress then click here.
Neon Nights Eye-shadow - click here.
Shoes - click here.

How was your bank holiday?

Collection: Work the Colour Eyebrow Kit

So the inevitable happened. I ran out of eyebrow kit. I knew it was coming but I didn't see it happening just before a night out. I am an idiot for not noticing.

Okay, so I ran out of powder long before I ran out of  pencil but the pencil I previously had (Glimmerstick by Avon for eyebrows) was like a soft shadow one so compensated where I was lazy.

Today, I went to work with natural brows and little make-up. I hardly slept the night before because I've been anxious and stressy lately and because I dreamt that my boyfriend ditched me in a zombie apocalypse (true love, right?) and I was left to fend for myself. I woke up so annoyed with him aha!

After work, I decided to go for a long cycle and rid of some of my pent up emotions. I'm just so done with life lately. I'm too anxious and insecure to know people, I swear. I ended up cycling passed a supermarket and decided to pop in. 

The thing that really bugs me about supermarkets is that there is never anywhere to leave your bike. I had to chain mine to a rail on the main road and hope someone didn't vandalise (my town is a shithole) or steal it. My chains are industrial and so are the locks but you never know.

I ended up purchasing this God's gift to brows everywhere.

Usually I like to take my time to review something but I've been experimenting all afternoon and I adore it so much already.

It comes with a double ended angled brush. I used the sharp edge to define and shape my brow and the other end to 'fill' the gaps.

It also comes with a 'lock in' mascara that dries your eyebrows and makes them stay in place. I usually use a concoction of hairspray and make-up drying spray but this stuff seems pretty marvelous in comparison and I don't have left over residue on my face from the sprays.

Just to back up my claims with some facts, let's take a look at my eyebrows.

I thread my eyebrows regularly to maintain a shape otherwise they grow outwards and look even worse than the top photo of my natural 'brows. The bottom photo is after a little experimentation with the different shades available. I decided that the centre colour was best due to natural darkness of my real hair colour (natural black hair). 

It annoys me so much that this is the best photo that I could get because they look so much better and pleasing to the eye in real life. And no-one is actually here to see them! 

I really need them threading again. Front photo so you can see them a little better. I hid my face because all I'm wearing is eyeliner and mascara and my face broke out in spots again. I also have ridiculously oily skin naturally.

So that wraps up this post and after posting the before and after photos raving about this product on Facebook, I have girls asking about it, girls who had bought it and girls that have used it for a while that adore it! I think this could be a new firm fav of mine.

I got it from Morrison's for £3.99! 

What techniques do you have for your eyebrows?

Best Friend's Birthday Bash!

Over the next few weeks I have so many events coming up. It appears that every close family member, friend and boyfriend were all born around the same time or have an anniversary of some sort coming up. I love birthday's and anniversaries but I've just moved from weekly to monthly pay and I can't stop seeing stuff and being like "Jamie/Kim/Uncle Bob would love this!"

Yesterday my best friend, and baby of the group, turned 20. We threw her a surprise birthday meal/night out because she went through some motions and was stressed about planning something.

Kim taught me to overload on the glitter (I think I incorporated this into my life a little too much) and so I wrapped all of her presents with a sprinkling of glitter confetti, glow-sticks and party poppers. 

I mainly bought her some holiday clothes after a ranty phone call that she couldn't find anything that she liked. 

We went for a meal at Al Forno's. The food was great, worth the money we were paying but the customer service was disputable. A couple of us left to refresh our drinks and go for a cigarette and when we came back in the senior manager was openly shouting at our waitress saying he disliked large parties. 

We were on our best behaviour and our bill came to £128, there are plenty of restaurants that would be happy to cater to larger parties, you took my reservation but you won't be again. 

I will be returning for their fantastic cocktail bar though.

Bubblegum Daiquiri with popping candy and a bon bon to finish is divine.

Of course, what is a night out without a little drama? We had a little gatecrasher which proceeded into a small episode of Hollyoaks. My only comment is that friends should know where their loyalties lie but unfortunately they find out how poisonous someone is at their own pace. Someone being the villain but looking like a victim isn't as obvious to someone who hasn't experienced them or is looking for it.

I've blogged about the importance of disposing of toxic people in the past here.

My only regret, which my boyfriend kindly pointed out, is that I hate confrontation and so have come across two faced. I have very strong morals and opinions but when it comes to arguing with particular people, there is no winning. It's easier to be nice/civil to them than share exactly what I feel and have a pointless argument with someone who's ego is the size of China. 

I'm learning slowly. The longer I stay nice/civil to someone who is poisonous, the longer they have someone feeding into their ego and the ability to leak poison into someone's mind and life. 

I have the best boyfriend and friends that I would do anything to protect. Sometimes, that's all that matters.

To end on a positive note. I have lost a stone! I'm feeling healthier and more confident as time goes on. Still a long way to go though.

How amazing is this skirt?

How was your weekend?