Personal Space and Food Issues

I'm moving out! Woooo. 

I made such an effort for the estate agent showing us round. Partially to look like a responsible adult and partially because I don't wear any make-up to work any more. I felt like a million bucks.

Foundation: AVON Ideal Flawless mixed with Rimmel Match Perfection.
Eyeshadow: Neon Nights Electric Eye Palette 
Concealer: Rimmel Match Perfection
and Collection Eye Definer pencil
Blush: Colortrend
Liquid Eyeliner: Rimmel Exaggerate Liquid Eyeliner
Other Eyeliner: AVON Supershock gel liner
Mascara: Rimmel Waterproof Volume x10 Flash Mascara

In my blog posts lately, I've been talking about feeling blocked in life, like nothing gets me motivated and excited any more. I can't be bothered to do things and I hit this sort of depression period. Richie and myself have been talking about living together for about two years, I had no job and was still in University and he was moving from one job to another with a brief period of unemployment so drained his savings. We thought that the day would never come for us to finally have our own house. 

Then we both starting dating people and had to take them into consideration. What if they wanted to live as a couple? Would I live alone? Jamie and I are no where near that stage of living as a couple yet. Then Jamie wanted to live with us, as a sort of friends house share - Jamie and I in separate bedrooms, perfection. It's also quite fun telling people that you and your boyfriend are living together separately because legit no-one can comprehend why. Personal space! I am moving out of my current situation into somewhere that I can be completely alone and yet still have my boyfriend and friends around me. We won't have such a capacity to annoy each other. I can wake up and not be screamed at for the first time in my life! Jamie just really likes to be alone. Aha!

We started looking and booking house viewings when another friend asked if he could get on this movement. We went from two mates to four in a matter of weeks but it has worked out so well. Saturday morning we went for a house viewing and we all pretty much loved it. We even have plans for a game room! I can blog/live/breathe freely and the bath is utterly amazeballs. Separate shower so I can live in the bath tub and people can continue with their own stuff.

We of course compared all of the houses that we had liked. There are houses closer to work but the people who own them houses are looking for more money and families more than young adults. This location is still great though. Jamie has less of a drive to work and us other three have bikes, compared to where we live now it works out closer. 

I'm not uploading photos of the house just yet because we find out Monday if we actually have it. There's another measure that we have to go through because we are four separate adults and apparently have to wait for the landlord to ask her mortgage advisers if it's okay.

Part of me is thinking that she sees us a four adults that may party all the time and prefer a family but only time will tell. We have back up houses courtesy of my best friend Danielle to check out if it falls through. We're being optimistic yet realistic. 

After the house hunting and estate agent-ing, we all went for a well deserved breakfast.

What a face to pull :')

Richie's getting real tired of me taking photos.

Rob's face when he realised that we are about to become housemates.

This is the part where I talk food issues. All the food was super junk and beautiful. That's my problem.

For about two weeks I have kind of fell of my little healthy lifestyle change. I haven't gained nor lost any weight which is kind of good that I can maintain a weight, but really disappointing that I stopped my weekly celebration of weight loss. 

I hit that lull of eating junk. I fell ill with a bug that went around work and the only things I could eat were soup and ice cream. I stopped drinking my shakes and started constantly thinking about when I could next eat food and what if there was no food left in the canteen? Crazy right?

 Work had a buffet that spanned over two days and I went from completely ignoring it to binging half of it. I thought I was still doing okay though because I avoided the chocolate and cake but I was pretty much lying to myself. Then I ate some flapjack and craved more. Fucking cravings are unreal. Then came the weekend where Jamie and I baked flapjack because I had been craving it so much.

We also watched this show called 'Domino's: A slice of life' and then I actually went into the worst mood ever because I craved it so much. I lasted two days before I begged Jamie to let me order food. 

It was so damned good.

It scares me that I can't even watch a program about food without having such a severe reaction to it. I've blogged multiple times about my relationship with food and body image and my main concern is that my life revolves around it. I went from one extreme of food being the enemy to food being something I needed to have close to me constantly and being scared that I wouldn't have access to it. This is ridiculous, I know. But I'm scared of getting to that unhealthy point again because I can't control my relationship with food the way I need to.

Starting tomorrow I'm attempting to cut out junk food again because that was the only thing that worked. I luckily love cycling and it is so good at venting out frustrations that I have still been exercising regularly. I need to regain control of not just my diet but my thought cycle surrounding food. 

The Flapjack Ingredients and Method

1. 125g Porridge Oats
2. 125g Butter
3. 125g Brown Sugar 
4. 2-3 tbsps Golden Syrup (or like me, as much as you want to make it more gooey).

1. Place all ingredients into a large bowl and mix it up.

2. (Jamie and I totally forgot this part) Lightly grease a baking tin with butter and spoon in the mixture.

3. Spoon in into the baking tray and flatten.

4. Place into the oven and bake on 180 until golden brown. (Around 20-40 minutes).

I'm going to end on a positive note that is my tan. I recently reviewed Dove Summer Glow and it was pretty good. I would definitely use it again and recommend it to my friends as the tan smelled good and look natural. But I wanted to go darker, I'm a fan of the dark tan, it makes me look like I have a life outside of work.

It was such a bad day to wear fake fur. Although the sun was shining for once!

Me, being me, of course took the tan too far and over applied far too much so I got tan hands and then went a little orange. I let it settle and went and bought a 'proper' tan that has been highly reviewed by bloggers and Instagrammers that I love and trust. I applied it last night with the help of le boyfriend and I really like it. It's dark and yet natural and no tan hands! 

I bought St. Moriz from Asda for £5.00 and actually bought a mit so no tan hands! That was also from Asda for £2.00. I accidentally tanned Jamie by cuddling into him too quickly. It looks like a nasty bruise :')

Still haven't broken my shopping ban! Jamie bought my fake tan so it doesn't count. 

In light of personal recent events that I actually can't blog about because of legal reasons (sounds interesting, right? although I hope to be able to discuss it one day) a note to all of the girls going through domestic abuse and other issues. Don't give up. Don't stop fighting for what is right because you are the person that matters the most. Bug people as much as you need to, to get things sorted and no matter what happens, always believe in yourself. Believe in yourself regardless of whether anyone else does because you are worth it and everyone has the strength inside them to resolve the problem and walk away from person(s) that are bad for you. Life is what you make of it and only you can control that. Don't live for what is less than you.

I even have a cheeseball t-shirt that says so.

You can buy your own Trashy hype tee here.

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