Me, Myself and I

I recently had a moment in my life where I hit a stopping point. My doc put me back on anti depressants, I was stressed out at work, broke out in spots, lost interest in blogging, regained it and then lost it again (I then deleted the posts that I wrote either after or before publishing). I was tired all the time, anxious and paranoid. 

Crafting helped as it gave me a release, made me less stressed and helped me sleep at night (go figure, I was tired all the time but couldn't sleep). The stopping point was when I realised that I had literally stopped in life.  I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, no plans to actually go anywhere or do anything and all I did was go to work and come home. 

I found it hard to enjoy my accomplishments and concentrated on the negatives. 

For example: 

1. I'm 22 and don't live with my parents. 

All I see is that in a year's time I have no idea what's going to happen because we have a year tenancy and everyone else has planned out their lives. Rob is hoping to move on to a bigger city and Richie will be making plans to move in with his Girlfriend. Jamie and I don't know what we're doing next week! 

I can't just live in the fact that I have a year to make some amazing memories and I've grown up and flown the nest. 

2. My job isn't permanent.

I passed all of the assessments, the trials, the training, probation part 1 and so far probation part 2 but I'm still wholly anxious because I now have financial commitments. I can't just be proud that I passed all of the above and actually have knowledge and experience about the place....or even a job at all!

3. My degree. 

I get so stressed out about my qualifications. Half of me regrets going to University because I hated it and I regret being 16 and being allowed to specialise my qualifications into one subject. Now, I'm 22, £20,000 in debt and I work in something completely unrelated to what I actually trained to be. I wish I had just got a job and worked my way up.

I can't just be proud of the fact that I gained all of these qualifications or even that I was fortunate enough to have been able to be provided which those levels of education.

(Side note: All of the people I know that either failed or don't have a degree are now doing their dream jobs and earn like £2,000 to £4,000 more than me and aren't in debt. This adds to the jaded-ness.)

The light through all of the anxiety/depression cloud was the thought that I needed a boost. I wanted to change myself into something better that would make me excited to get out of bed again. 

So I dyed my hair blue.

I'm really fortunate to work in a place that is quite relaxed in the dress code and hair/piercings/'alternative' looks. 

My parents visited and my Dad wasn't originally impressed with the blue hair neon-ness and stated: "When you get fired and can't get another job, what are you going to do?"

This led to the argument of that I really don't see how having hair that is not a natural colour affects a persons ability to do a job. I mean, I understand that there is this whole 'dress code' in that some people have to wear suits and other's have to wear specific uniforms but I don't understand, or I can't understand, this whole 'hair colour' thing. If someone specified that no blondes were allowed to work in a place then surely that's discrimination but add some colour to it and that's suddenly an acceptable format? And if you can't dye it as unnatural as blue/green/pink then why can you have dyed hair at all?

I don't look any less professional or act it because I don't have natural hair colours. In fact, when I do go back to my natural colour I am visibly awkward and unnatural in my actions because I hate it. So in the best interest of an employee wouldn't it be better to let them shine and be themselves?

Anyway, so my work place is awesome and I dyed my hair blue. I have felt pretty darn good ever since. My Dad eventually came round before admitting to liking it and I also convinced my Flat Mates girlfriend to join in the land of the blue haired.

Photo spam about to commence. 

It started out with an idea of keeping the white that I had been building up for a year and add some parts that were blue but this never materialised. 

Then, partially due to getting really into making Disney costumes I decided to 'temporarily' dye my hair blue. 

So, if you have blonde to white hair, this stuff claims to give you neon blue hair that lasts 2-10 washes. It's a lie!

But I'm so happy that it is! This stuff if more permanent than any semi permanent dye that I have ever used! It hasn't even faded!

I now use this stuff as if it was my hair dressing bible. This is my go to dye and I have spare tubes in my hair dressing drawer and half a tube covers my whole head! I have reallllly thick hair. 

The best part about this is that it cost me a whole pound. Obviously the price is probably due to it's lack of permanence but it's pretty hard to shift from my hair.

Jess even bleached my roots and underneath of my hair (which was a browny/green colour) to make it all blue, Jess captured bits of the blue hair, naturally, and it stayed blue. 

I really hate wearing glasses.

My hair is like the waves of the oceannnn.

Jess was panicking so much when she did my hair that it would mess up. For an extremely anxious person, I like the unpredictable outcome of my hair. Strange, I know. 

After a while, Jess caved and we dyed hers blue.

We're adding purple to hers on Wednesday and giving her an ombre effect. I'm so excited. Jess doesn't even live here and we hang out more together than we do with the boys that do, aha!

I rocked my new blue locks the Bank Holiday weekend just gone. I felt good and like I was finally being myself on a night out, a way I haven't felt in quite a while.

My boyfriend likes to be a creep. I felt like an extra in a Katy Perry movie dressed more for the beach than a night out in Dirty D. But I felt good and that's all that matters. I of course wore a tiara and glitter in my hair too.

(I should explain that the bank holiday came before Jess and I topped up the roots and experimented with each other's hair :') )

A new thing that I am also enjoying, apart from all of the attention I apparently now get, is that my best friend and I are dumb and dumber. I noticed this when we were taking our standard selfies.

We got shots to match our new title.

So yeah, who knew that a pound tube of blue goop could drag me out of a depression and make me feel more like myself again. Of course it wasn't all just because I dyed my hair blue. I have amazing best friend, friends, family and a caring boyfriend that would never let me slip too far through the net. 

Here's to the future and I still really need a holiday!

Link me to your latest fashion/beauty/lifestyle/anything blog posts!  

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